Internet Explorer: The Girlfriend from Hell

Imagine, for a while that your girlfriend is MSIE:
* She frequently gets infected with STDs.
* She frequently shows up where you haven’t invited her.
* If she has been infected, she may give birth to children, even when she’s not around. She may, for instance give birth to her children when you wake up in the morning.
* She allows everybody in to install surveillance equipment in your house, without ever telling you.
* If you want her to clean up her act, she demands that you buy her a new, bigger, and more expensive house first.
* Her capability to multitask is non-existent. If you want her to perform several tasks, you have to invite one of her identical twins for each task you want performed.
* Her identical twins will also spawn the children from hell, even when not asked for. Unless you have bought the new, bigger, and more expensive house that is.
* She, her spawn from Hell and her twins will leave a horrible mess on the floor, and won’t clean up. Unless you have bought them that new, bigger, and more expensive house that is. Even then, they won’t clean the floor before it’s beyond messy.
* Even after buying her that new, bigger and more expensive house, she looks grey and worn, and aged without grace.
* In the midst of any activity, she might decide to just die, and you’ll have to call in one of her identical twins.
* Should you decide to make a swap, and find a modern, neat and nice girlfriend like Opera or Firefox, she won’t really go away. She’ll be sitting hidden in some closet, and may occasionally drop the spawn of hell in your living room.
* When you’ve dumped her, she won’t remove any of the surveillance cameras she let strangers install. You’ll have to call in a “cleaning expert”:http://www.safer-networking.org/en/index.html to do that.
* Since she regularily has slept with a lot of other people, you may from time to time encounter businesses who refuse to deal with you, unless you bring your old girlfriend.

7 Comments

  1. Hilarious!

  2. Very amusing! Still, there’s one point missing:
    * When driving, she’s totally without knowledge of the traffic rules.

  3. She is actually one of a group of sisters. The biggest and boldest one is known by the vast majority – you can see her through grubby windows. While an equally troublesome sister hides behind a mac. I have even heard of a shorter sister you can keep in your pocket. And I believe William Gates has plans to put a girlfriend like her in every front room, for when you watch movies.
    Of course those of us who dumped her a long time ago for something more foxy, or red and round, need worry no more about her troublesome nature. Our new girlfriends allow us to surf in peace!

  4. MrFill

     /  2004-12-17

    Hey, if my girlfriend invited her identitcal twin over, I’d be jumping for joy 😀

  5. * She occasionally puts her makeup on funny – she has a real problem keep the lipstick on her lips, for instance (CSS Box Model problem?), requiring you to make odd adjustments to all the mirrors in the house.
    * Some of her sisters know how to do this properly, so when they come over, their makeup gets all screwed up.

  6. If MSIE was your girlfriend …

    This post on Virtuelvis just plays to my disdain for Microsoft Internet Explorer

  7. Useless links, because you have too much free time

    You have entered the room of unimaginable pain and misery! 🙂 ‘Cause you couldn’t have figured this out yourself. Should you decide to make a swap, and find a modern, neat and nice girlfriend like Opera or Firefox, she won’t really go away. She’ll…